Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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