i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
