FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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