I'm jealous of your bromance
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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