Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Everyone says I win the strip club
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
