if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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