Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
