The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize