Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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