Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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