yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
These tits shall not be calmed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
