We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize