Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
