90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
