its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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