are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
