I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
