I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
