Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
