My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
