I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
