Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
