Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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