My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
