I think i peed on brittanys purse
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize