i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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