Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
