What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
