i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
