Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
