I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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