he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
