So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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