6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
They have beer where we have blood.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
