Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
