Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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