I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
