Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
