Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
