okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
