Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
