The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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