i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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