I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize