Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize