I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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