Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
