You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
MIDGETS
????
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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