So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i have two assholes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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