I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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