What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
