I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
