I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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