it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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