It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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