I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
