I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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