quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Boobs speak an international language.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
