All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
