You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
