i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
