This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
