I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize