my being single is dangerous.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
