Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
