Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
