Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
