Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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