I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
