are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
